Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
