so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
