Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
