false alarm. still invincible.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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