i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
