LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
