I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Michael Bay diarrhea
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
