kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
