I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
