he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
