Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's shark week go big or go home
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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