OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My liver just had a heart attack.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
