she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
