Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
