You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
