woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
