Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
