he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize