Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
