I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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