Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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