for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
