it was like his penis was on wheels.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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