sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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