I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
