I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
