brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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