I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
