dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
