Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
