Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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