I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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