Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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