garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so let's talk penis.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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