I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
