I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
