Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
