He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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