what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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