he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
