And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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