Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
