Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
