So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
