my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize