so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
