He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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