I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
