My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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