Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
