yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
