i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
