he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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