I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
