I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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