I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
