I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He shit in the fireplace
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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