i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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