Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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