The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
