is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
