You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
