JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
