or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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