some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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