so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
