I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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