people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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