And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
