i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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