i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
