She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
