he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
