oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
