you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
