I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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