the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
