I like my sex mixed with concussions.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
