Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
