I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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