Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
