I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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