there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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