He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize