planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There r osticjed everywhere
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize