I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
