I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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