Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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