I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
