We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize