RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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