I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Randomize
