I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
