every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
