my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize