i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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