She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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