i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
