Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Non-Jews are for practice
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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