She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
