so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
