P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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