Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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