It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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