When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Vodka?
Forever.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
