The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
