i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
